The Thing to Do

a due South story

by dirty diana

"I don't think that hitting the buttons repeatedly is going to help, Ray. I think that..."

"Don't tell me we're stuck, Fraser."

"Okay, but I think it appears that..."

"And don't tell me it appears that the elevator is broken. The elevator can't be broken."


"Cause I got that thing. What's it called? That thing, you know, where being in small spaces makes you want to just go nuts?"


"No, not that one. The other thing."

"I don't think that there actually is another..."

"Well, anyway, I've got that thing, Fraser. And if you don't make the elevator work, right fucking now, I'm going to flip out on you. It'll be the flippiest of flips. You got that?

"Well, I'll see what I can do, Ray. But I'm not an elevator repairperson."

"This is all your fault. You know that?"

"My fault?"

"Yes, your fault. Don't give me that innocent, Canadian, I-don't-know-what-the-fuck-you're-talking-about-Ray face. What did you say right when we came into the building?"

"I, um, said that perhaps we could take the stairs."

"Right. And what did I say?"

"You said 'Fraser, there's no way in hell I'm walking up nine flights of stairs for no reason.'"

"Right. See?"

"No, I'm afraid that I don't, Ray."

"You broke the elevator!"

"Because I wanted to take the stairs?"

"Yes! You jinxed the elevator! Don't they have jinxes in Canada? Talking about the stairs, it's like tempting fate or something."

"That doesn't make any sense, Ray."

"Fraser. Was the elevator broken when we came in?"

"Well, no."

"Is it broken now?"

"It would appear so, yes."

"Then obviously something happened to break the elevator! And, obviously, that something was..."

"The elevator appears to be shifting position a bit, Ray."

"Yeah, I noticed that, Fraser. Sorry about that. I didn't mean to land right on top of you there."

"No apologies necessary. In unusual circumstances such as these, I don't suppose it can be helped."

"Course not. I guess the kissing can't be helped either?"

"Well, it just seemed like the thing to do, Ray."