Into the Closet
by sffan

Pairing: Simon/Mal/Jayne (or should that be Mal/Simon/Jayne *g*)
Rating: R
Feedback: yes please
Disclaimer: Alas, not mine, or there'd be a whole episode devoted to this little scene
Notes: for dirty_diana's cliché fic challenge. And for llaras, who's been waiting for this one for a while now.

Tamade = motherfucker

"In here," Jayne says, holding the door open.

"You've got to be kidding me," Simon says, peering into the tiny closet. "There's no way we're all fitting in there."

"Looks like we don't have a choice," Mal says planting a hand on Simon's back and pushing him towards the opening. "The law is going to be coming 'round that corner any second and this is the only open door we've found. So get in."

Simon doesn't have time for another word of protest as he's shoved unceremoniously into the closet and smack into Jayne who had preceded him into the tight space. Mal squeezes in behind him and closes the door, shutting out the light. He reaches back with one hand and finds the lock on the door and turns it.

Simon shifts uncomfortably, sandwiched between the two larger men. "How long are we going to have to stay in here?" he asks, face pressed against Jayne's shoulder.

"As long as it takes for the law to stop looking for us," Mal answers, the breath from his words ruffling Simon's hair. "Which might be a while, considering…"

"Aw, Mal, I'm sorry," Jayne whines. "How was I s'posed to know she was the mayor's daughter?"

"I dunno, Jayne. Maybe if you had spoken to her for a minute or two before layin' hands on her," Mal begins angrily.

"Jeez, Mal. I don't go to bars to talk to women. And that girl didn't want to talk, if you catch my meanin'."

"Yes, Jayne. And look where that's got us."

Simon lets their bickering flow over him as he tries really hard not to think about what's poking him in the ass. He's *pretty* sure it's Mal's gun, but he doesn't want to draw attention to where his thoughts are straying by saying anything, so he tries to shift slowly to the right only to be stopped by Jayne's hand coming down hard on his shoulder.

"Quit your squirmin', Doc."

"Sorry," Simon mutters, trying to stand still.

There's a noise on the other side of the door and they all freeze as the sheriff and his men rattle doorknobs up and down the hallway. In the darkness, trying desperately not to make a sound, as the search party works its way away from them, Simon becomes hyper-aware of his surroundings - Jayne's hand hot and heavy on his shoulder, their quiet breaths, the pounding of two other hearts against his body, the way the other men smell - Mal, all clean and crisp; Jayne, smelling vaguely of sweat and metal - both so utterly and completely masculine…and in a panic, Simon desperately tries to think of something else, anything else.

They're pressed too closely together for Jayne not to notice what's happening to Simon, and he can sense when the big man looks down at him. Blushing furiously, grateful that it's too dark in the closet to be seen, Simon tries to create a little space between himself and Jayne and he suddenly realizes that the object poking him in the ass is definitely *not* a gun, when Mal grabs his hips to stop him from shifting against him. And for some inexplicable reason, Jayne shifts closer instead of pulling away.

The tiny room is suddenly filled with tension, and Simon's brain is cycling a million miles a second as he tries to work out what the hell is going on. Neither Mal nor Jayne is sly. This is a fact. He knows Mal slept with Nandi and hell, Jayne's had half the whores on every rock they've landed on. This evidence, however, does not change the fact that he's got Mal's erection sticking him in the ass and Jayne's lips welded to his throat. Of course, if people judged by things they'd seen, they'd have figured he was courting Kaylee, too. Goes to show what use facts were.

He's breathing heavily, his heart pounding with a combination of fear and arousal, as Jayne's soft lips and scratchy beard work their way up his neck to his ear, sending chills pouring down his spine. Mal curls his hand in Simon's hair and twists his head and claims Simon's mouth for his own. Barely suppressing a moan, Simon melts into the kiss and grabs onto Jayne's t-shirt with both hands, pulling the mercenary closer.

The two larger men wrap themselves around Simon's body and begin to rock against him. All Simon can think is 'Oh God, not here. Not in a broom closet, not like this,' until Jayne works a leg between his and starts to rub Simon's erection against his thigh. And then Simon thinks nothing at all as his brain short circuits with pleasure.

They arch and thrust against each other, muffling their moans and gasps as well as they can. Fingers digging into Jayne's shoulders, his body jerking hard, Simon comes with a sob, the noise lost in Mal's mouth. Blood still roaring in his ears, Simon barely hears Jayne's whispered "Tamade," as the big man arches hard against his hip one last time. As the wet heat of Jayne's come soaks through his pants, Mal's fingers tighten fiercely on his jaw and hip and a third wet patch begins to spread across the dark material of Simon's pants.

Bodies shaking, the three men lean against each other and catch their breath. Simon thinks that maybe he should say something, but he can't seem to get his brain to form words, so he just rests his head against Jayne's chest and lets the big man stroke his hair while Mal kisses the back of his neck and runs gentle hands up and down his sides. Several minutes pass before Jayne whispers, "Do you think we can leave now? These shelves are diggin' a hole in my back."

Mal draws back a bit and listens hard at the door. "Yeah, it sounds like the coast is clear. We can move on any time now."

Simon burrows closer to Jayne and murmurs against his chest, "We're not going anywhere until my pants are dry or one of you gets me a clean pair."

"Well, we can't take the chance of getting spotted while fetching you a new pair of pants, Mr. Fussy, so it looks like we'll have to stay in the closet a little longer then," Mal says and then smacks Simon hard on the ass when the smaller man dissolves into a fit of giggles.

"What? What's so ruttin' funny?" Jayne asks, bewildered.

"I'll tell you when we get back to the ship," Mal responds, as Simon continues to shake with silent laughter.